We met at 8 which I thought seemed right, think I read it in a book
She seemed alright, not out of sight but I kind of liked her look
Red lipstick and a groovy dress with a picture of a cat
And she wore a kooky bobble hat that sat just above that
It was pink, I think.
Not that I’m a boozer much but I suggested that we wander to the bar
I thought that a drink would ease my nerves or we wouldn’t get that far
Sat down and asked her what she’d like, the way I’d seen it done
But here’s where it gets weirder, which started all the ‘fun’.
‘When you say ‘I’ she said, ‘I think you should say ‘we’
‘Because you see, there’s more of us than what you’d think there’d be’
Um. OK. I said
‘At the last count there were nine of us, it gets crowded here’, she said
‘And that’s just the ones I know of, not counting the voices in my head’
A-ha. I said
‘It’s going be an expensive round’, I joked, eyeing up the door
Suddenly regretting what on earth I’d come here for
‘The Doctor says it’ll be OK, there won’t be any trouble
Just as long as there’s nothing sharp to grip’….. I gulped & stroked my stubble
The barman cutting lemons quickly put his knife away
The waiter standing by the door began to twitch & sway
‘I broke my arm a year ago & had it all in plaster’
‘The voices told me to do it’ – This date was becoming a disaster
‘Some guys think I’m crazy’, she said then she looked passed me & waved
I looked around but there was nothing there, this girl was quite depraved
I ordered drinks, gave the doorman winks in the hope of getting help
But the fool had run to the bar already & didn’t hear me yelp
It was when she began to gibber and jerk that it all became too much
But I really felt an enormous berk when she knelt to grab my crutch
The woeful truth revealed itself, like some sleazy tale of the tape
The chips were down, the game was up, too late to make escape
I felt a sudden stirring in a most peculiar way, a party in my undergarments began to have its way.
Sensations that had me all agog and although the memory pinches
Though this girl was as strange as heck she’d found my missing inches
Her lips were red, her eyes like fire, as I began to shake and shiver
Though it was wrong, it felt so right, boy, could she deliver
Looking back, it’s funny how I remember every detail
She works on the tills in Tesco now, and pursues a career in retail
I see her in the fresh produce isle, and my heart still flickers when our eyes meet
Unspoken tales of passion shared as I wander out & down the high street
We’ll always have that night of nights, my queen of split-personas
the one who’s magic fingertips deserved their own diplomas
